Older Psych Topics
Healing from Codependency. Building Healthy Relationships
Whether you are in an intimate relationship, try parental relationship, a friendship, or other types of relationships we all desire them to be healthy, fun, exciting and loving but sometimes things can occur that make it difficult to feel this way. So let’s take a look at what may be happening:
Do you, your partner or someone you know notice that you do the following?
Try to control others by telling them who they ought to be, act like or do;
Allow yourself to go along with others, just to keep peace;
Get angry and resentful for doing what you really did not want to do;
Blame your partner for the problems in the relationship;
Have feelings of needing to be “perfect” in all you do or please the people around you in order to make things better and calm;
Share too much about yourself, or don’t share at all;
Have difficulty taking care of yourself, but for sure take care of everyone else.
If you answered yes to any, some or all of these you may be dealing with Codependence. Codependency can be a harmful to the well being of an individual and the relationships they participate in. Without exploring the symptoms and causes these behaviors can continue on for generations and generations, until someone decides to begin the healing process.
According to Pia Mellody, an internationally recognized authority on childhood trauma, codependence and addiction, a codependent person requires healing from childhood trauma. Recovery involves both clearing up emotions that are present from traumatic childhood experiences and learning to intervene in one’s own adult symptoms of codependence. Two key areas of a person’s life reflect codependence: The relationship with the self and the relationships with others. The relationship with self is most important because when people have a respectful, affirming relationship with themselves, relationships with others automatically become less dysfunctional and more respectful and affirming. (Facing CoDependence, by Pia Mellody)
Many people believe that this way of living is normal, a part of life and what we are supposed to do, but in reality it can limit our happiness and harm our relationships. When you take the time to explore the history and meaning behind your thoughts, feelings and behaviors you will find that a healthier relationship can arise. As a Pia trained therapist, on her internationally recognized treatment for codependency Post Induction Treatment (PIT) therapy model, I am ready to help you through this journey of healing.
Building Healthy Relationships through Communication
What is a love relationship? Any relationship with love or strong feelings of caring for another. Did you know the number one cause of divorce is not money issues, not in-laws, not infidelity, not religious difference, in fact, not really differences at all. The number one cause of relationship problems is difficulty with communication. All issues can be resolved if you can communicate them effectively, actively listen, compromise, getting to some agreements and working through conflicts together.
The most important components of good communication are
- Stay calm and objective, if you need to leave the room and take a break then do that;
- Listen with intent to understand the other person not with intent to change them;
- Reflect what you heard so you know you got it right;
- Be honest about what you want from the other;
- Compromise, you can’t always have 100% of what you want but hey, 70% or 80% is good too;
- Follow through on your agreements.
Many of us believe we are powerless when it comes to relationships but really we are not. Studies show that when people are truly committed to the relationship, when one person changes, the other changes as well. Let’s make it a positive change and start with healthy communication. At GCCS we help couples work on their communication and boundaries together in order to have a lasting healthy relationship.